After over four decades of a life lived in the wrong direction, I let it all go.

Performative career moves. Curated lifestyle posts. All were deleted. In their place: reading.

Reading led to writing. Writing led to listening. From listening to learning. And that’s where I’ve been…a student of life.

Learning to live life instead of trying to control it. Rebuilding myself. Quietly. Patiently. Daily.

It’s messy, confusing, frustrating, and heartbreaking. But, most often, it’s lonely. Deeply lonely.

Maybe one day I’ll look back on these moments and think, “I was so innocent. What wonderful times.” Maybe this is the season I learn joy, love, friendship, intimacy, affection, reciprocity. Right now, there’s only silence.

With the silence comes discovery. Some new learnings, but mostly revelations and understandings of the past.

Like leveling up in a game: you return to old challenges and realize they’re easy now. Not because they’ve changed, but because you have.
You’re stronger.
Wiser.
More patient.
More powerful.

That’s how this journey feels. I’m confronting old challenges but this time the battle that once broke me?
I face it with ease.

Sometimes I wonder if I could’ve learned all this another way. I don’t know the answer to that.

But I know this: without the silence, the distance, the pause between what I knew and who I’m becoming…I wouldn’t be asking these questions at all.

So I press on.

Just me.

seneca.